happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They took my balls.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
