Having a random hookup so left but love u
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
