No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
420 ftw
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize