you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im holly from the hills drunk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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