I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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