Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
