Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
