to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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