I wish my penis had an off switch
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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