Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
