giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
