I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
