she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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