she woke up with a sticky ear
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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