Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
