My first STD was from a foam party
I just cut my nipple shaving
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
