i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
