Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
