When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
