It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
