I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
