Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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