I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
