I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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