Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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