Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize