he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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