I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
