Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
