Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
