I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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