Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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