Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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