Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize