Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
