Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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