You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
In America we eat man semen.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
