woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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