I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
