i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
