I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
