Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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