three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
