also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize