If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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