I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
