Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
