Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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