brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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