remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
