i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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