The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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