my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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