How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
