Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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