I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
