how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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