The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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