hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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