He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Are my feet made of real feet?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All I want is dick and wine.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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