I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
