I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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