I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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