I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my poor anus
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Panties = found
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