I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
