Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think my tv is drunk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
