Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
