maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
