Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
