so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
