youre lurking in front of me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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