I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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