is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
