but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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