It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
