I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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