Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
