Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
