if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
