i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
