So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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