I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
