Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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