I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
