my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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