I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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