She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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