Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I won the penis lottery.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
