is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
